Lonely is not when you are alone. It is actually when you are in a crowd, but you feel like you are alone. That is how I feel now about my job. Well, yeah, finally I got a job, but I do not feel happy at all about my job. I know, I am so ungrateful.
I realize that I used to wish to have a job, a job that will make me earn money to make my parents proud without the need of me being a lecturer, the thing they wish me to be, a lot. But now, when I am finally a career girl, I do not like it as much as I expected.
“Being alone never felt right. Sometimes it felt good, but it never felt right” – Charles Bukowski, Women
My job now is actually not my first job, it is the second one. My first job is in a hotel as marketing administration staff. Yes yes yes it did not relate to my field of knowledge at all and yes yes yes it was about counting, the thing I do not like so much. That is why I only stand for 4 days in that job. Then I found my job now, in a newspaper, as a secretary, a public relation officer, and a telemarketing. Sounds nice, huh? Yeah, it sounds soooo nice, but it is actually NOT!
As a secretary, I need to handle the incoming and outgoing letter of my boss-I have two bosses: the managing director and the director-who never get any letter or tell me to make any letter. I also have to manage their schedule which they have managed by their own selves 😐 As a public relation officer I do not know what to do at all. They only told me that I will be the public relation officer-the only public relation officer-and that is all 🙄 And as a telemarketing, I have to call all customers who unsubscribe and ask them WHY? and I actually got some angry customers, and this job can be done in 3 hours, in one day. So, basically, I do not have job at all.
I do not dislike my job. I mean, who does not like it? I just need to come every morning, sit on my chair, turn on my computer, wait for the bosses to come-they, sometimes, do not come at all-, ask their activities at the day, note it, read some comics I brought from home, wait for break time, play Onet-you know, the game-, and go home in the end of my working day. That is my routine. Boring? Yes, it is. But I bet all working people want to swap with me 😛
However, I really want to quit this job. I do not like my office. I do not like it like I do not like math-if I could, I would love to kill the inventor. It is the people in the office that makes me do not like my job. They are all old people whose topic of conversation is always about politics, economics, their family, and prices on market. Things I do not give a damn! I am sure, for a hundred percent of a hundred percent, none of them will understand if I talk to them about how skinny Ariana Grande is, or the new style of Park Woo Bin, or Rude by Magic is on the top of Indonesian music chart.
It drives me crazy every single day. It seems I can feel all the worst feeling a human-being may bear every single morning now, and in a week, my favorite day is only Saturday because the next day is Sunday, of course. It is also what makes me post it because I am alone in my office. It is actually a very crowd place for full of old women who love talking and cannot keep quiet every single time they see food like a swarm of lions see a deer: SCARY! I feel so alone. I do not have friend to talk with. I feel lonely, totally!
Do not get me wrong, I like to be alone in certain times. I like to be alone when I read a book, especially when the story is too good to be disturbed by any kind of noises. I like to be alone when I cry because the existence of other people who try to cheer me up only makes my tears fall even heavier. I like to be alone when I pray because I feel more connected to The Almighty Creator and I can tell God every single thing that I cannot say to anyone. I like to be alone when I write something because I never like it if someone tries to steal a glance to read my writings, no matter what I write, even when I type a post, I do not want everyone around, my parents include. See, I do not so hate being lonely, I like it, but only in certain times when I want it!
Sometimes, I feel like I want to stay on my job for the salary only. Not much, but at least, every month there are amount of money goes into my account, right? But, most of the time, I do really truly deeply want to quit as soon as possible. I need a new job, a real one that can make me do something and not only coming for sitting all day long till it breaks my backbones. I need a job where I can have a friend to talk to when I do not have anything to do.
I do not know what else to say. I just want to quit my recent job. Anyone who read this, help me, pray for me, so I can get a new job soon, a job that can make me work based on my field of knowledge, English, and in place where the people are my age or a few years older, not as old as my parents, pleeeaaasseeee. Oh yeah, please pray for me to get the next year scholarship for master degree also, so I can be a lecturer. Yeah, I finally want to be a lecturer as everyone wishes from me